There are many blessings in my life for which I can take no credit. To have been born at all, for example, is downright miraculous, given the odds. To have been born with a healthy body and good mind, into a family where I was loved and educated, in a country which offers so many possible paths, in a time of modern medicine, dentistry, and indoor plumbing is good fortune not shared by everybody, in fact not shared by many. I did nothing to deserve such luck, any more than a Saudi or Iranian woman deserves the restrictions and oppression she is born into.
A friend was recently talking to me about the unearned blessings which fill his life, especially the good friends he has gathered around him. "But you know, " I said, "an awful lot of how good your life is is a result of who you are, how you've lived, the choices you've made." That got me thinking about my own life, and that maybe I actually can take credit for some of what seems simply like astounding and random good fortune.
I, too, have so many, many good friends, people I cherish. They bless me by choosing to be my friends. But I work at friendships. I send birthday greetings every year - yes, actual cards in the actual mail with actual stamps. I get together regularly with local friends for walking, movies, meals, conversation, games. I stay in contact with more distant friends and visit them when I'm able.
I have two callings which thrill me: acting and writing. And I've had enough successes in both to call myself a professional (although never enough to support me). The paths to those successes have been incredibly bumpy and long. Certainly there is an element of luck in having any success at all as any kind of artist. Not every actor with talent, skill, and passion gets to see her face onscreen. Not every playwright with talent, skill, and passion gets to see her plays performed and published. But I've worked at these, too, living on almost nothing for decades in order to stay true to what I wanted to do with my life, defying my parents' advice to get a full time job.
Meeting Sweet Hubby, the perfect man for me, is probably the biggest miracle in my life, especially coming as it did so late (I was 54). Only magic, only angels could have brought us together. But it is all the work I did on myself - years of transformational seminars and therapy, plus a lifelong habit of reading voraciously - that made me someone who could catch SH's eye, made me interesting and desirable to him. I can also take credit for the fact that no matter how many romantic relationships didn't work out for me (A LOT), and no matter how many heartaches I had to recover from (ditto), and how much self-doubt I had (ditto x5), I never gave up on wanting to be happily coupled, never closed my heart or became cynical and bitter.
I guess it is so in all our lives, that a lot happens to us, both good and bad, which we can't possibly have earned and don't deserve per se. And there is also a lot that happens, good and bad, because of how we live our lives, how we treat others, what choices we make. It does seem to me that good fortune and bad aren't really evenly distributed. I have no way of understanding how that works. I'm just as grateful as heck for how much good has come my way. Whether I deserve it or not.
