Going to hell and other miscellanea

"The country is going to hell," say Trump and his followers.  "This administration is a disaster.  The Democrats are ruining the country."  They're right that the country is going to hell, but it's because of the ignorance and malice of the very people who are saying it is.  If there are problems - and there certainly are - I'm not hearing any offer of any solution by the people who are complaining, angrily, threateningly, mindlessly, gleefully complaining

To anyone in the future who tells me she (or he) can't cook, I plan to reply, "Can you read?"  Because that's all cooking is: following a recipe.  Of course as one gains confidence and interest, a lot more is possible in the realm of cooking: baking! for instance.  But even without confidence and interest, one can turn out a decent homecooked meal just by following a recipe.  

Sweet Hubby and I had mac and cheese out of a box this afternoon (it had been part of a holiday gift box and I didn't want it to sit around forever).  It was just awful.  I guess it's possible to become used to that kind of food; lots of people no doubt have and are.  But homecooked mac and cheese is like first class flight: once you've experienced it, it's hard to go back.  I think the people who say, "I can't cook" really just don't want to.  It is a lot of trouble, after all.  Thinking of what to make, seeing if the ingredients are at hand; grocery shopping if they are not; putting the groceries away; the prep, usually comprised of chopping, mincing, boiling, saute-ing, stirring, etc; then the actual cooking itself, trying throughout the process to time the dishes so they are ready at somewhat the same moment.  I'm almost talking myself into a box - of mac and cheese. 
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Easy to be stupid

 I was ordering lunch at a counter recently.  I like to thank service folks by name, and when I looked at the name tag of the young woman helping me, wasn't sure how to pronounce Anahi.  So I asked.

"Is it pronounced Anna-hee or Onna-hee?"

She replied, "Onna-ee, no h sound."

I rolled my eyes self-deprecatingly and said, "Americans", as in "We American are so hopeless around things that are foreign to us."  But then I realized that just because she had an unusual name, olive skin, and a slight accent didn't mean she isn't American.  So I sort of fumbled my way through an apology/explanation and slipped away.

In that moment, I realized how very easy it is to do or say something stupid, with no ill intent whatsoever.  And lately, it feels as though it is easier than it has ever been to hurt someone's feelings, or to sound anti-this or phobic-that.  Imagine the pressure on celebrities and politicians, whose every word and gesture are recorded and widely shared, to try to navigate the world of other people's feelings.  (I'm not speaking, of course, about those politicians who are actually making a career out of insulting and debasing others.)

It also got me thinking: "For how long should someone be held accountable and punished for past mistakes?"

There's no one answer to that question, of course, because there are so many variables.  How egregious was the mistake?  Was it intended to be hurtful or was it just careless and stupid?  Has the person matured beyond that behavior, even to the point of being chagrined about it?

When Brett Kavanaugh was grilled prior to being awarded his seat on the Supreme Court (I still haven't quite gotten over that he's one of the Supremes), it was clear he hadn't matured beyond his college bad boy behavior.  He was flustered and defensive and acted victimized by the questions.  So in my mind, he is still accountable for his past transgressions.  He has not earned the pass of forgiveness.

The best examples I can think of of someone taking full responsibility for causing harm are, sadly, fictional, although I'm sure many real life examples abound.  I'm thinking of an early episode of "The West Wing" in which Jed Bartlet, who is running for office, not yet President, is holding a town hall meeting with some disgruntled farmers.  One of them calls him out for a decision he made which affected the farmer poorly.  Bartlet takes a short moment to consider, then acknowledges "Yes, I hosed you with that one."  In that moment, he immediately rises in the estimation of another character, Josh Lyman, who goes on to be his Deputy Chief of Staff.

And I guess that's the point.  We so often act as though we are covering our asses when we refuse to admit mistakes, or try to defend them, when in truth we are so much more admirable to the world when we acknowledge them and especially when we do our best to atone in whatever way might be possible.  I hope I remember that the next time I do something I need to apologize for.  Which will probably be later today, because it's so gosh darned easy to be stupid.

Reflections on the year that was and the year that will be

The beginning of a new year, I always like to take some time to reflect on the past and visualize the future.  I ask myself and pretty much anyone I converse with:

What was hardest about 2023?  What was best?  What did you accomplish?  What did you overcome?  And what are your hopes/vision for 2024?

For me 2023 had a lot of wonderful moments and not too many difficulties.  Some of the hardest parts of the year were about our kitties Bandy and Angel.  When we first adopted them at the end of 2022, they were 5 months old, so full of play and affection, climbing all over us with freedom and trust.  Both of them would visit me for a cuddle at all hours of the night and early morning, which was heaven, despite the loss of sleep.

But as they matured, their dynamics changed.  Bandy became the alpha, and Angel began to shrink away, always hyper-aware of where Bandy was.  Angel stopped getting in our laps and stopped visiting me at night or getting onto the bed at all, while Bandy still gets in my lap almost every evening and still comes to sit on my chest almost every early morning.  Angel became sensitive, timid, while Bandy is absolutely unabashable and confident.  I was so sad to feel a widening gap between us and Angel.

Happily, Angel has started to become more available for affection again.  Several times recently she has crept onto the bed and curled up on my pillow for a purr fest, and has even gotten into my lap once or twice while Sweet Hubby and I watched a movie.  I need to remind myself that there is more to come, and not to take any one moment as representative of all moments.

The worst crisis of the year has ended up being almost all silver lining.  The downstairs level of our house was flooded in November, which felt disastrous for a few days.  But that disaster has led to SH starting at last to clear away a lifetime's accumulation of stuff stuff stuff.  Since we had to clear out his downstairs office in order to take out the carpet, he has decided that besides putting in a new floor, he's going to put in new insulation and wiring and paint the room, so although the house is topsy turvy right now, in the long run, it and we are going to be much better off.  I'm thinking this flood was one of the best things that ever happened to us.

Most of the best of last year consisted of travels: to Alaska for a wedding (where I got my first case of COVID); a cruise to Hawaii with a great friend (where I got my second case); to Idaho to visit best girlfriends; to upstate NY to visit SH's dad and family; to CA for a big family gathering.

It wasn't a great year for me as a playwright.  There were 13 productions of my plays around the world, plus one short play published in a literary magazine.  I did write a couple of new short plays and made some progress on a full length.  As an actress, I had a great time shooting a new series of commercials with my faux 'family' for an Idaho credit union.  I always seem to have just enough artistic accomplishments to feel hopeful, never quite enough to feel successful.

My vision for the new year is to travel more and to finish at least one of my full length plays-in-progress.  And that's a bit of a rundown for me.  I'd love to hear what the kind of year it has been for you.