Divorcing friends

I'm over-socialized.  The drive in me to make lots of friends comes from the childhood years when my family frequently moved from place to place.  (No, we were not military nor running from the law.  The transfers were part of my dad's career as a petroleum engineer.)  I was so terrified of being lonely and alone, I quickly taught myself how to show off, attract attention, put on a real dog-and-pony show, be everyone's friend and the teacher's pet.

So now I have too many friends.  Some of them, a lot of them, are terrific.  But there are some I don't really feel very connected to, and some I like a whole lot but our paths just never seem to cross.  Especially at Christmas, when I'm sending out cards, I find myself wishing I had fewer friends so that I could really nourish the connections with the ones I have, stay in closer touch.

It always feels weird to me when a friendship just sort of fades away, because I'm never sure if I should do something to revive it (keep sending that Christmas card, send a "let's get together" email) or simply ignore it.  The latter feels to me an awful lot like ghosting and I'm just not comfortable with that.  It's too indefinite.  Are we still friends or not?  So every once in a while, I suggest to a friend who has become distant that perhaps we should mutually agree to let each other go, with all blessings and good wishes.  Retire the friendship with open eyes and a fond farewell.

What's funny is that there have been several cases when the person in question will adamantly reject the retirement.  "Oh no, you can't get rid of me that easily.  We're still friends!"  And then I never hear from them again.

Maybe it's this year of COVID lockdown which has made me ever more aware of the fact that I want to live a simpler, less crowded, less hectic life.  I've spend so much energy juggling the balls, spinning the plates of all those connections, and while that has filled my life with wonderful people and adventures and experiences, it has also taken me away from the quieter pursuits I'm now more in love with, such as writing and reading and sitting in the open air listening to trees.

And by the way, if you're reading this, you are not somebody I want to let go of.  In case you were wondering.