I have always been attracted to pioneer life, elemental life, life in a natural setting, a life of self-sufficiency. The Laura Ingalls Wilder "Little House" books were my favorites when I was a child. I read them again and again, imagining myself as a settler living on the plains and in the forests of a barely-civilized country. When "Survivor" had its first season back in 2000, I thought "This show has been created specifically for me, this is the setting in which I will be truly tested" and applied a couple of times, without success.
I have often been heard to say, in all earnestness, that I long to be tested, to be challenged, because I want to see what I'm made of.
Well, I finally realized that that is absurd. I, we, all of us are tested and challenged every single day. Every decision we make reveals what we're made of. Every occasion we encounter is something we have to rise to. Every sentence we speak, every person we do and do not let into our lives, the work we've done, all of it has always revealed who we are and what we are made of.
So I already know what I'm made of. Every part of my life shows it. For better or for worse or for some glorious mess of both, this, right here, right now, is who I am. I'm not some half-baked version of myself waiting to rise to some challenge in order to be fully baked. I decide how to respond to the events I face, and my life discloses if I have chosen rightly. I don't need "Survivor" to show me who I am.
I'm not sure how I feel about this.
So much truth here, Babs: "I, we, all of us are tested and challenged every single day. Every decision we make reveals what we're made of. Every occasion we encounter is something we have to rise to."
ReplyDeleteYou reminded me of so many of my students who were tested and challenged every single day from the time they woke up until when they went to bed (and some even then). Some teachers looked down on these kids, didn't think them "capable." But your sister Joan and I knew differently. I'm sure that's one of the things that led us to become good friends.
Hugs, and thanks for your perspective.
xoAnnis