The wrestling match

Every day I wrestle with myself: Will I write today?  And too many days, "I ain't feelin' it" wins.  Because the truth is, I ain't feelin' it, not so much these days.  

I probably would feel it if I sat with my works-in-progress every day.  I know from decades of experience that getting inside and staying inside the world of a play makes it easier to see how to continue to craft that play.  But the thing is, no matter how much time I've spent pounding and chipping away at them through the years, not many of my plays end up being the first class works they might be in more talented hands.  Or is it, in more dedicated hands?

I've written a lot of plays, and have had a lot of success on a certain level.  But by this time, shouldn't I have something like a career?  And if I don't, then maybe it's because I'm just not a good enough writer to have a career. 

Or maybe I don't really want a career.  Maybe I am avoiding the responsibility of being expected to be good.

I feel stuck.  I don't feel as though I have the juice to go on, but I don't seem to be able to stop, not completely.

And I did have an idea for a new short play last night that I'm pretty excited about.

So I guess I'm a writer.  One who is either not as talented as I'd hoped, or just too lazy to fulfill that talent.  Will I write today?  Okay, all right.  Yes.  I will write today.  I make no promises about tomorrow.