Sharing my treasures

From time to time I have bemoaned the fact that, even though I am old enough to posses a treasure trove of life lessons learned and stories to tell, no one is interested in hearing them.  I understand, of course.  When I was younger, I never went to older people and them to share with me their wisdom and stories.  I was busy, as everyone is, learning my own lessons, having my own experiences, accruing my own wisdom.  But still, now that I feel so rich in experience, I wish I had the chance to pass some of it along to others.

Yesterday that wish was, rather surprisingly and definitely gratifyingly, fulfilled by the darling young man whom Sweet Hubby and I have adopted as our faux grandson.  He has said that he likewise considers us his unofficial grandparents.  We've had him to the house a few times for dinner and a movie, and have taken him tunnel flying.  He is a honey in all ways, killingly cute and also very kind and thoughtful, with a young person's energy and enthusiasm.

He hadn't told me what sort of conversation he wanted to have, and I hadn't asked.  It turned out that he has been chewing on some of life's bigger questions and - oh joy! - came to me for some perspective and wisdom.  His actual grandfather, the last of his blood grandparents, died recently, and my grandson, at 23, has begun to understand what death is, that it is inevitable and permanent, and that our lives are short and temporary. 

He was especially concerned with how to talk to a woman he's dating about the fact that he doesn't want children and she does.  He wanted to know if I have regrets about not having had them myself.  He senses he's on the cusp of having to start making some bigger, more meaningful decisions about how to spend his life, what he wants to do and who he wants to be and be with.  It was like watching him move from boy to man right in front of my eyes.  It was the most serious I've ever seen him; he definitely felt the weight of the topics we were exploring.

I don't have concrete answers for anyone else's personal questions, of course, but was glad to share some of my own lessons and experiences.  Mostly I listened, and encouraged - indeed, urged - him always to be true to himself and always to tell others the truth.  He understands that there might be consequences for that, but I reminded him that there are consequences for not telling the truth, too; for accepting what others want for him at the cost of his own wants; for avoiding addressing what needs to be addressed; for trying to turn himself into what he is not. 

I hope he got what he wanted from our conversation.  I see such goodness in him; it is clear to me that he is going to be a stellar man when he grows up, and I have become deeply invested in how his life unfolds.  Just the fact that he came to me for this conversation says a lot about his ability to reflect and to look ahead at his life with serious consideration, both for himself and for others.  I wish I'd been smart enough to take more advantage of the wisdom of those around me when I was younger.  But then, I guess I still can.  Certainly a have a lot of life lessons of my own still to learn.