The strongest driving forces in my life have also been its biggest impediments: the desire to be loved and the desire to be liked. They have led me into too many unhealthy relationships and have cost me who knows how many acting jobs, not to mention the cost to my energy and sense of self.
I don't blame her, that girl I was who so longed to belong that she would bend herself into all sorts of inauthentic shapes and sizes, until that bending became a way of life. I understand her and, after all, she got me to where I am now, which is a pretty fucking fantastic place. It's just that I'll never know who I might have been, what I might have accomplished, if I hadn't cared so much about what other people thought of me. And of course the joke is that a lot of them disliked me anyway, no matter how hard I tried. What a waste.
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