I demand self-respect!

I have finally decided some of the changes I want to make in my life this new year.  (I don't use the word 'resolution' because it is so laughably associated with almost immediate failure.)  I am going to do my best to become worthy of greater self-respect.

Mostly that means spending more time writing, and that means kicking an addiction.  Okay, so here we go.  My name is Granny Owl and I'm a YouTube-aholic.

I have to say, I picked a hell of a time to try to stop being glued to the screen.  So much is going on politically right now, I could literally sit at my computer all day and not even notice, slack-jawed with fascination at the (sometimes literally) riotous events in D.C.  I delight in the wonderful righteous confirmation of my own feelings from those commentators who agree with me, and wallow in sickening outrage from those who are getting it wrong.  I'm alternately aghast, fearful, vengeful, and, more often than not, filled with disbelief at what so many people are saying and how they behave.  This has been true for the past four years of chaos, ignorance, corruption, and dysfunction in the White House, but the events of Jan. 6 have heightened the stakes to an almost unbearable level.  Will it all quiet down after Jan. 20, or have we seen the beginning of a true civil war?

Sometimes I'll switch to sweet animal videos or musical performances, which are no doubt less harmful to my health and spirit but which can be just as addictive.  

All of this time spent at the screen is, of course, avoidance of writing.  Actually, a lot of what I do in general is done to avoid writing: doing chores, sending emails, exercising, etc.  None of these behaviors is negative in itself, but I know I'm using them all to avoid the discomfort and fear which accompany the prospect of writing.  The big foolishness in all this is that every time I do finally get myself to sit down with blank pages or a work in progress, the writer in me kicks in within half an hour or so and I become lost in whatever story I'm telling.  But no matter how often that has happened, I'm still filled with dread when I know it's time to write.  So I hide in the vivid and varied world of YouTube.

The only promises I know I'll keep are the ones I make to Sweet Hubby (promises to myself always come with negotiations and back doors), so every other day, for now, I am making the promise to him that I will only use the computer for emails, Zoom meetings, or anything associated with writing.  The days I do give myself permission to Tube, I'll work on strengthening the muscle of limits.

Like any true addict, I don't want to give up what I'm addicted to, and I know I'm going to go through some version of withdrawal, which will probably mean getting cranky (poor SH), and I'm going to have to be careful not to tamp down those feelings with food (dang, another addiction).  In fact, even continuing to write this blog is avoidance of working on my plays, so bye-bye for now.  Thanks for your support, which I'm just going to assume I have.  But really, time to stop this and move to a play I'm working on, which, interestingly enough, is very political in nature, so maybe I should watch a few more YT videos, just to fuel the muse.  No no no, stop  now!  Pick up the pages, pick up the pen!  I'm going to write right after I finish this, but I did want to say one more thing.  I can't think what it is, so I'll just maunder on for a bit until it comes to me.  No no no, stop now!  But I still want to