Saturday, January 2, 2021

The great big psychic hole

So.  A new year has arrived, and with it comes an unusually keen sense of relief, of the promise and possibility of new beginnings, better choices, more sanity in government.  In spite of the fact that 2020 will go down in American (and possibly global) history as one of the worst years ever, for me and my loved ones, it actually hasn't been all that bad.  This was the first year in a while in which no family member died, and none of us contracted COVID.  We celebrated an engagement and a pregnancy.  There have been regular Zooms for games and conversations to keep us all connected.  Sweet Hubby and I have relished one another's company, and both of us have accomplished enough to feel that the year was well used.

But 2020 has ended for me with the feeling of a big gaping hole in my psyche or soul or whatever part of me registers non-physical discomfort.  That hole is in the shape of a unanswered, possibly unanswerable question: How is it possible that Trump still has so many ardent, fervent, passionate followers?

I can sort of understand staff and Cabinet members becoming his lapdogs, since he notoriously fired anyone who disagreed with him.  (And who didn't see that coming, "You're fired" being the phrase that made him famous when he hosted "The Apprentice"?)  I can sort of almost understand members of Congress going along with him because his time in office and their majority in the Senate allowed Republicans to carry out their agendas with basically no interference from the President, Trump being more interested in tweeting and showboating than in leading.

But why do so many regular citizens regard him with such unquestioning, energetic adoration?  My brother, ever on the search for a balanced look at both sides of every question, has reminded me that Trump did have some accomplishments while in office.  But every President accomplishes something, and no President I've ever been aware of has had followers who were so rapturously, vehemently, slavishly his acolytes.  The equation is all out of balance.  He is widely considered by thinking  people to be the worst President in history, yet he has the most devoted followers.  Even Kennedy wasn't regarded with the unbridled worship Trump's fans give to him.

Does it come down to the fact that he was a TV star and we in this country are way too swoony over celebrities?  But Reagan was a movie star, and although he had many champions, they were not so uncritical, so cult-like in their regard for him.  Is it the fault of Fox and OAN, those shameless, hatred-spewing, conspiracy theorists whose only agendas are to tear down the opposition and stir up their listeners' grievances?  If that's the case, the question persists: Why do so many people choose those channels as their echo chambers?

Why doesn't it bother these people that he boasts about grabbing women by the pussy, that he openly mocks people with disabilities, that he is ignorant of historical facts, that he will maunder on and on at a rally about how long it takes to flush a toilet, that he endlessly brags about how smart he is and how he knows everything better than anybody else, that he comes up with cheap little nicknames for people he doesn't like?   Why didn't his behavior in the first debate with Biden disgust even his fans?  Would they tolerate that childish, disruptive, bullying behavior from anyone else?  So why do they from Trump?

Why didn't his mishandling of the COVID pandemic cause them to doubt him and turn away?  And now, when he continues to make baseless claims about the election having been stolen, when almost 60 of his lawsuits have been dismissed in courts, when even the Supreme Court, including his 3 appointees, refused even to hear his case, how can so many people still believe he is in the right, that he's the man they want representing them in the world and leading them through the next four years?

I just don't get it.  And this is coming from someone who prides herself on understanding human behavior.  Even if I'm wrong, I can always at least come up with a story that makes sense to me about how someone is acting.  But in this arena, I'm mystified, and that mystification leaves me frustrated and outraged.  Is it just that they made their choice back when he was a fresh and stimulating new face, and now they simply don't want to admit how terribly wrong they were?

I'm curious to see if this fervor dies down soon after he is finally out of office.  I expect there will always be those who follow and champion him, but it's possible that once he doesn't have quite so large a microphone and spotlight, once Biden has brought back actual governance, Trump exhaustion will finally set in even for those who loved the excitement and controversy their MAGA hats provided them.  But it's also possible that the sickness and rot he has either caused or exposed in this country will fester and grow, become more violent, infect the next four years of discourse and social interactions.  One thing I've come away from 2020 with is the absolute certainty that I have no idea what's coming next.  No matter what pictures form in my head about the future, I finally realize that they are simply what I've made up in order to have some sense of order about the world.  But really, I just don't know how Trumpism is going to play out or whether the Senate with work with Biden or obstruct obstruct obstruct.  I certainly can't predict the trajectory of this country's economic recovery, especially given that we have not yet experienced the worst fallout from this time of pandemic and political disarray.

Still, it's a new year, and not knowing what's coming actually gives me some ease and a sense of optimism.  I keep saying to myself and to anyone else who will listen: Better days are coming.  Gosh but I hope I'm right about that.  Who knows, maybe I'll finally come to understand Trumpism.  What a relief that will be.

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