Body beautiful

Several years ago, PP (pre-pandemic), I led a workshop called Loving Our Bodies for a group of women at my UU Church. I talked about the reasons to love our bodies: all the ways it is able to heal itself, which are rather amazing, and the fact that our senses allow us to experience this gorgeous world.  I wore a sports bra and workout pants, which revealed my lumps and flab and flaws.  (I had considered leading naked, but thought that would probably be too distracting.)  I sent them home with little bags of items, each of which was chosen to appeal to one of the senses: rosemary for the nose, a little bell for the ears, a piece of soft fabric for the fingers, a Hershey's kiss for the tongue, and something pretty (can't remember what) for the eyes.

If I were going to lead another workshop of that type today, I would do it differently.  First I would ask everyone to put her hands on whatever part of her body she is most dissatisfied with, or, if that were too awkward, as in the case of hammer toes, for example, simply to visualize that part.  I would encourage the participants to close their eyes and just breathe for a moment, to take some time to truly connect with their bodies, and to notice and allow any feelings that arise.

Then I would tell my own story.  I have spent almost my entire life criticizing my body.  I don't know at what age that started, but it was early, and once begun, that self-criticism has never let up.  My hair is too lank, my knuckles too big, my thighs too chunky, my lips too thin, my chin too undefined, on and on and on.  And always the over-arching accusation of not being thin enough.  (My thyroid once went hyper and speeded up my metabolism so much that I lost a lot of weight, eventually down to a size 4 from a 12, no matter how much I ate.  The only time in my life I didn't think I was too fat.)

I would say to the participants, "Today, let's take a break from that critical inner voice.  Let's allow ourselves to be with our bodies exactly as they are, to experience our feelings about them, as well as our feelings about how we have treated ourselves.  Anger, sadness, grief, amusement, disappointment, resignation, confusion, whatever those feelings are, to let them arise unimpeded."

Then I would get to the topic of how to love our bodies, which is to decide to love them.  It's really the only way there is to counter all that self-criticism.  This kind of love isn't based on reasons, even though there are many reasons for it (see first paragraph).  It must be a choice.  When the critical voice arises, it must be recognized and put aside.    

Self-criticism is a habit.  The way to change a habit isn't to break the old one but to create a new one.  It takes awareness, the ability - and willingness - to notice and acknowledge the critical voice and to consciously create a new voice.  "No, I don't need to do that.  I'm fine as I am." Or "Thank you, body, for housing my soul and allowing me to experience the world."  Like a mantra used to focus the mind.

That's really all there is to it.  Simple, though not necessarily easy.