Easy to be stupid

 I was ordering lunch at a counter recently.  I like to thank service folks by name, and when I looked at the name tag of the young woman helping me, wasn't sure how to pronounce Anahi.  So I asked.

"Is it pronounced Anna-hee or Onna-hee?"

She replied, "Onna-ee, no h sound."

I rolled my eyes self-deprecatingly and said, "Americans", as in "We American are so hopeless around things that are foreign to us."  But then I realized that just because she had an unusual name, olive skin, and a slight accent didn't mean she isn't American.  So I sort of fumbled my way through an apology/explanation and slipped away.

In that moment, I realized how very easy it is to do or say something stupid, with no ill intent whatsoever.  And lately, it feels as though it is easier than it has ever been to hurt someone's feelings, or to sound anti-this or phobic-that.  Imagine the pressure on celebrities and politicians, whose every word and gesture are recorded and widely shared, to try to navigate the world of other people's feelings.  (I'm not speaking, of course, about those politicians who are actually making a career out of insulting and debasing others.)

It also got me thinking: "For how long should someone be held accountable and punished for past mistakes?"

There's no one answer to that question, of course, because there are so many variables.  How egregious was the mistake?  Was it intended to be hurtful or was it just careless and stupid?  Has the person matured beyond that behavior, even to the point of being chagrined about it?

When Brett Kavanaugh was grilled prior to being awarded his seat on the Supreme Court (I still haven't quite gotten over that he's one of the Supremes), it was clear he hadn't matured beyond his college bad boy behavior.  He was flustered and defensive and acted victimized by the questions.  So in my mind, he is still accountable for his past transgressions.  He has not earned the pass of forgiveness.

The best examples I can think of of someone taking full responsibility for causing harm are, sadly, fictional, although I'm sure many real life examples abound.  I'm thinking of an early episode of "The West Wing" in which Jed Bartlet, who is running for office, not yet President, is holding a town hall meeting with some disgruntled farmers.  One of them calls him out for a decision he made which affected the farmer poorly.  Bartlet takes a short moment to consider, then acknowledges "Yes, I hosed you with that one."  In that moment, he immediately rises in the estimation of another character, Josh Lyman, who goes on to be his Deputy Chief of Staff.

And I guess that's the point.  We so often act as though we are covering our asses when we refuse to admit mistakes, or try to defend them, when in truth we are so much more admirable to the world when we acknowledge them and especially when we do our best to atone in whatever way might be possible.  I hope I remember that the next time I do something I need to apologize for.  Which will probably be later today, because it's so gosh darned easy to be stupid.