Chauvin

What was he thinking, Derek Chauvin, as he knelt with his knee on George Floyd's neck?  What had happened to him that he was capable of this abuse of power?  Didn't he know that the moment would be filmed and posted and watched?  The horrifying moment lasted too long for adrenaline to take the blame.  There was time for thought.  Floyd was unarmed, handcuffed, prone.  What was happening in Chauvin's mind?

Did he not remember all those other instances of white police killing unarmed black men and the ensuing riots?  Was he sorry he killed Floyd or did he think the punishment was righteous?  Did he foresee his career going down the drain along with his reputation or did he somehow imagine himself a hero?  What kind of man was he out of uniform?  Did he hate black people?  Was he strung out on lack of sleep?  How much did relentless tension over this pandemic contribute to his stunning lack of restraint and forethought?

I don't presume that he actually intended to kill - no, murder Floyd.  So I am also intensely curious about what the moment was like for him when he realized he had.

And what of the other cops with him?  What was in their minds as they watched?  "Good for him."  "Shit, I'm glad I'm not the one doing that."  "What the fuck, man?"  One of them has been quoted as saying of Floyd "He's talking, so he's breathing."  Did none of them realize how momentous this one incident was going to be?  As they hear news of the rioting in cities all over the world, do they feel at all responsible for lighting the match that caused the explosion?

The pandemic lockdown and subsequent financial depression have acted as a pressure cooker for several months now and one could say that some sort of explosion was inevitable.  But the pressure began long before the virus.  At least half of this country and much of the rest of the world has been traumatized, divided, enraged, disgusted, aghast, and horrified by the loathsome corruption and ignorance of the Trump administration.  And in the background of all of that, there lives the constant racial inequality that has characterized the US since before the writing of the Constitution, which codified rather than eliminated that racism.

Other countries are dealing with similar divisions, suppression of freedoms, autocracies, alarming financial declines.  Perhaps the current violence is necessary.  I do not applaud it.  I will not take part in it.  But I understand that at some point, there has to be a rising up of the people to say "Enough".  Not all of us are protesting the same people or ideas, but we are a country in which there is subterranean protest going on inside every person's heart and soul.  I feel it in myself.  I hear it in every conversation that touches on politics, which, until the virus captured our attention and made us its captives, meant every conversation.  I myself live and have been living in a constant state of outrage.  It is exhausting, especially the relentless question of what can I do, what should or could I be doing, to help right the terrible wrongs being committed by my so-called leaders.  Perhaps I shouldn't be too hasty in assuming I wouldn't take part in a violent riot.  I didn't think I had it in me until Trump took office.  Now I'm not so certain.

One side note: It is interesting that this policeman's name is Chauvin.  Not meaningful, but interesting.