Friday, February 19, 2021

The Holy Grail of sex

WARNING: This post contains content of a highly sexual nature.  Yippee!

A ninety-year-old man goes to a priest.  “What can I do for you, my son?” the priest asks.  The old man says, “For seventy years I’ve been married to the same wonderful woman, and I have been faithful to her the whole time – until last night.  Last night I was in a motel making love all night long to a couple of buxom blonde stewardesses.”  The priest doesn’t know what to say, so he says the one thing he can always fall back on.  “I see,” he says.  “And how long has it been since your last confession?”  “Confession?” says the old man.  “I don’t go to confession.  I’m Jewish."  The priest asks, “Then why are you telling me this?”  And the old man says, “Are you kidding?  I’m telling everybody.”

There is something I want to tell everybody, and it seems inappropriate somehow but also I think important to share and basically I just can't hold it in.  So here it is.

Last night, I had multiple, and Sweet Hubby and I had simultaneous, orgasms.  And the reason I want to tell everybody is, first of all, because it's just SO COOL!!  I mean the best sex of our lives, and so far outside the expected that I had to say soon after "Let's agree we're not ever going to try to top that."  I swear, I'm still quaking.  I keep bursting out at odd moments in shrieks of glee.  And SH is looking mighty proud today, as well he should.

But even more than that, I want to share this shattering event because I want people to know that us old folks can still have astounding sex.  (I'm so glad my Mom isn't around to see this.)  SH is 70, I'm 69.  I'm at an age when I can already tell how dismissible I've become, how seemingly irrelevant, how easy to ignore or patronize.  I'm here to tell you, we old folks, some of us a least, perhaps a lot of us, perhaps even most of us, still have fire in us, and passion, and juice, and desire.

I also want to share this because when SH and I first got together, we had almost no sexual chemistry.  Affection, yes.  Love, yes.  Warmth, yes.  But no sparks, no jittery butterflies, no rush of hot water, no jelly legs.  To have gone from that to last night shows what is possible, I would hope for all of us.

I know this probably seems like boasting.  Okay, it is absolutely boasting.  I really do want to shout to the world about this amazing, mind-blowing experience.  But not just because it was so good for me.  I want this story to maybe open a door to what's possible for everybody.

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