The thing about guilt

I find it annoying when people say they feel guilty.  People who say that often say it a lot and often about the same topic or supposed wrongdoing.  When I hear that moan, I want to go full-out Moonstruck Cher, just slap them in the face and tell them to "Snap out of it!"  Because guilt is an utterly useless - well, what is it really?  A feeling?  An emotion?  A state of mind?  A decision?  A declaration?  Whatever one would call it, it is useless, and worse than useless; it is pointlessly debilitating, while also being something of a scam, a way of announcing that you are punished for some transgression by how bad you feel about it, while letting yourself off the hook of having to do anything about it.

Here's the thing about guilt.  Supposedly it tells us that we've done something wrong.  So if you feel guilty, look to see if you've actually done something wrong: betrayed, gossiped, lied, stolen, neglected, etc.  If you have, don't spend time on the empty breast-beating.  Do something about it.  Correct your mistake, atone or apologize for your transgression, and then get on with your life.  If you haven't actually done anything wrong but only did something someone didn't want you to do, or didn't do something they did, then dispense with the guilt, because it doesn't do you or that person any good whatsoever.

So many of life's problems and challenges have the simplest solutions.  You want to lose weight?  Eat less, eat better, move more.  You want to be a better conversationalist?  Listen more attentively.  You want to accomplish something but keep putting off taking the first step?  Make a promise to someone about starting and ask her to hold you accountable for keeping that promise.  Or, even simpler, just start.

I know, I know, this is all much easier to say that to do.  The problem usually isn't that we don't know what to do, it's getting ourselves to do it.  I struggle with that, too.   So we, you and I, have to figure out what it will take for us to do what we say we want to do - whether it's going public about it, or creating a chart, or getting a coach, or whatever it is - and then do it.  That's all.  And if we don't or won't, then we should just drop saying that we want to (lose weight, exercise, be a better friend, contribute to society, whatever) and accept that we don't want to as much as we want whatever else (potato chips, more TV, fewer obligations, longer naps, etc.).  But to look at ourselves in the mirror and think "I'm too fat" and then head for the cookies is just a ridiculous way to live.  Either love your body as it is or do something about it.  Whatever you're grappling with, accept it for what it is, or for what you are, or do something about it.  If you do something someone doesn't like but it's what you meant to do, own it.  But the guilt thing accomplishes nothing and it annoys the people around you.  Cut it out.