Comfort

I realized recently that one of the outstanding features of my marriage is the level of comfort Sweet Hubby and I enjoy in each other's company.  Feeling completely comfortable, completely relaxed, was not a part of either of our childhoods and young adulthoods.  

In my parent's home, there was always an underlying tension as we all watched my father to determine what kind of mood he was in.  There was also the fact that we moved frequently, so my siblings and I were the new kids in school year after year.  In my young adulthood, and even into my 40's and 50's, I spent too much time with the wrong romantic partners, some of them very fine men with whom I was ill-matched.  Until I met  SH, I didn't know that love can be easy and sweet and safe.

SH spent his childhood and most adult years as a loner.  He had no siblings, and only one parent with whom he had nothing in common save their address.  He was always the smartest guy in the room, so was seen as - and was, and is - an egghead, meaning not one of the popular kids.  He had a few very good friends and a couple of brief marriages but, until he and I got together, he spent most of his time alone.

Last night, after we had gone out to a wonderful, fancy dinner, I suddenly became conscious of how very comfortable I am with SH.  Whether we are talking or not talking, joking and laughing or being quite serious, it's just so easy to be together.  We've been married long enough that I had stopped noticing what a relief it is to be totally myself without any guardedness, without worrying about taking a misstep, without judgment in either direction.  But I saw it in one of those quiet flash insights, and so am able to be grateful grateful grateful for this ease, this comfort, beyond my ability to express it properly.