Don't believe your beliefs

I was visiting a friend recently, and saw something in her which really opened my eyes.  You know those moments when you see or understand something that has always been there but was just part of the scenery until it came crashing into focus?  This was like that for me.

My friend is divorced and has been dating, but is feeling discouraged about ever finding someone who will be the right partner for her.  "I just don't think it's going to happen for me," she sighed.  And I saw in that moment that we (human beings) get ideas about what is and isn't possible, and then shape ourselves to those ideas.  But those ideas, those beliefs, those thoughts have nothing to do with what is actually going to happen.  Just because she believes in this moment that she isn't going to find her right partner doesn't mean she won't.  But if she starts acting as though her belief is true, she might end up making it true by closing her eyes to opportunities and possibilities.

The only way in which I can take credit for getting together with Sweet Hubby is that, no matter how many relationships ended badly, no matter how old or discouraged I became, I still knew I wanted to be married, to love and be loved.  I never said "It's not going to happen for me."  Of course I had that fear, but still, I couldn't help but admit that I still wanted it to happen, hoped it would happen, and so kept myself open to the possibility.

I wasn't so bold as to say "I know it's going to happen for me", and I didn't promise that to my friend, either.  Maybe she'll meet someone, maybe not.   It's unknown, and that's the salient factor.  We don't know what's going to happen, how things are going to turn out, who or what will show up next, what surprises are in store for us.  So it's just silly to say "I don't believe this or that will happen" as though we can see the future.

If you want something, own the wanting, do what you can to make it possible, and stay open.  There might be disappointment ahead, but then again, don't be too sure about that.  'Cause you never know - and that's the point.